Can I get a Hallelujah?

Well, it's been a while. A number of years back I started this blog in a kind of painful bewildered fog, not understanding the changes I was seeing around me, trying to understand, trying to be reasonable, trying to find common ground on some very controversial issues. Some time back, I personally came to a place where I felt that I had worked through my own wrestlings with very difficult issues such as abortion and same-sex marriage. I don't know if I was ever what you might call far-right. I didn't associate myself exclusively with a particular church denomination or political party, and to some extent, that's still true. But you might say, I have conservative values or traditional values. I felt after years of wrestling personally with abortion and same-sex marriage that my focus changed somewhat, in seeing the division that these issues are causing, such deep division and pain for many people. I personally decided that it wasn't worth it to me as a Christian, to watch people turned away from the church, or any interest in church, because of this legal tug of war that seems to be ongoing. I decided that for me, I wanted to focus on a cultural and spiritual renewal in the church, where we are refined as Christians, firstly from within. Then, through dialogue and service as well as persuasion, apologetics, etc., that we could reach out to the surrounding society, I think perhaps with more success: a-catch more flies with honey over vinegar, you might say.

Well, as I alluded to above, same-sex marriage became law in Canada, and eventually was legalized in the U.S. as well. To some degree as I said, I felt like I had made my peace with some of these issues, through reflection and through my own writing, admittedly mostly in isolation, but it was never something I felt I had a choice in, regardless. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to begin communicating, wired as I am maybe, to put my thoughts on paper. It's been some time since I came to that personal peace, and with it, after 9/11, I became quite interested in studying Islam and theology more broadly. I went to seminary, and started debating more directly online, especially with Muslims, where strangely I felt more of a sense of personal freedom than I had previously, with very constricted dialogue in the West due to political correctness. Many Muslims I found to my delight, actually wanted to talk about what I was studying in seminary and reflecting on. They were passionate; I am passionate about what I believe as well, and it's been great fun actually talking to people who are so passionate about what they believe. It's been like a breath of fresh air, after many years of living in a Western society which seems to have very little interest in discussing theology or religion.

And so, what brings me here, you might ask, back to my personal blog? Well, that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that something isn't right, seems to be back. Infanticide arguably being on the table in the U.S., churches being targeted for their beliefs, and when one speaks up, one finds oneself being personally attacked as well. I find myself asking, where does it end, this one-sided madness? When do we begin to consider again that that is a child that could survive on its own? I'm a mother of twins who were born prematurely. My girls are 13 now, but I will never forget how for months when I was expecting them, that we were hanging on for dear life, hoping to get to 27 weeks, where they might have a chance they told us. 32 weeks, they would probably be okay, and we could worry less about long term effects of prematurity. I will never forget that, 27, 32. Those numbers are seared into my brain. And I remember holding my daughter at 34 weeks, her tiny hand wrapped around my finger, and being told prior to their delivery, that these would be big babies for the premature ward, at over 4 lbs each. How can anyone tell me that somehow, a full term child is somehow less human, possibly past that age and that size? That was the first thing that went through my mind when I saw my daughters for the first time, so tiny, and yet so human. And yet the bias, is inescapable. Life doesn't count. Only choice counts, as we move seemingly farther and farther to the left. And it's never questioned, or seldom seems to be. How long can you tear down the value of human life in a society, and expect the overall quality of life to remain unaffected?

The other thing that seems to be affecting that uneasy feeling in my gut that has returned, is how I am conscious on a personal level that I have been trying to dialogue with the gay community on and off as a religious minority for years at this point, again, mostly in obscurity, mind you, but even with people I know, it doesn't seem like any amount of effort coming from someone who doesn't toe the ideological line to the point of ignoring the other side, counts. I'm a sincere Christian. I have never bullied anyone in my life. I wouldn't even know how one does such a thing, and yet, most efforts that I have made to dialogue with gay supporters over the years, have resulted in yet another slap in the face. So, why should I think at this point that this is anywhere near being a fair dialogue, where both parties are respected, and treat each other with respect? I was thinking the other day, you know, if I could get someone who sees themselves as representing the gay rights side of this discussion to say Marg, I respect your right to disagree with me, while I simultaneously say, I respect your right to disagree with me, I would play the Hallelujah chorus for both of us, to celebrate. Two lonely souls, seeking understanding in a complex world. So, can I get a Hallelujah, because this conservative is not as conservative as I may have been, and it's really something when a conservative, realizes that one is the classical liberal, in a sea of authoritarian left.

Thanks for listening,

Margaret Harvey